Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Prose: describing a place

My prose piece, updated. I made a couple of minor changes, but I'm not entirely happy that I didn't get around to describing the tastes.

To the south of the West Orchard shopping centre in Coventry, sitting in the shadow of two vast concrete tower blocks which rise above everything else, is the quiet street of Market Way. It's out of the way of the big shopping centres, away from the bustling market and the lines of High Street stores – indeed, there are very few stores there besides a Poundland on one side and a titanic BHS on the other. In between these two retail giants there are silvery metal tables and chairs dotted around, gathering in pools like gossipy hens, because this is the place where the street vendors park their carts and ply their trade for the day.

As you approach from the north, where Waterstone's and Marks and Spencer do a roaring trade, you can see the quiet street, forest green wagons arranged on either side like a caravan stopping for the night. Progressing down the street tickles your nose with ever-changing scents: the sweet scent of slightly-undercooked, sugared batter from the donut cart; down to the warming, meaty smell of pork from the aptly-named Pork of the Town; quickly after that the strong smell of the German bratwurst cart's massive central charcoal fire, always a pleasure to stand by, sausage-in-a-bun in hand, as the cold days close in; following on once the strong charcoal scent leaves your sinuses, the falafel cart at the end bringing a touch of spice to the area, complemented by the freshness of the hummus and the smell of the herbs and spices used for their herbal teas.

Even at lunchtime the queues never rise above three or four people, outnumbered by the pigeons which mill around as aimlessly as the leaves on the ground and peck at pieces of dropped bread and biscuits. Compared to the surrounding streets and squares, Market Way is an oasis of calm, the sound of chattering shoppers in the distance blending with the blowing wind which hits you like a slap in the face, and the rustling of the trees and their bright green leaves, the only things in the street which are tall enough to catch the light which occasionally breaches the street through the gap between the tower blocks and the low roofs of the shops on either side.

Thursday, 14 November 2013

Prose draft: describing a location

My first try at describing a place I've visited. What do you guys think? Comments/critiques?

"To the south of the West Orchard shopping centre in Coventry, sitting in the shadow of two vast concrete tower blocks which rise above everything else, is the quiet street of Market Way. It's out of the way of the big shopping centres, away from the bustling market and the lines of High Street stores – indeed, there are very few stores there besides a Poundland on one side and a titanic BHS on the other. In between these two retail giants there are silvery metal tables and chairs dotted around, gathering in pools like gossipy hens, because this is the place where the street vendors park their carts and ply their trade for the day.

As you approach from the north, where Waterstone's and Marks and Spencer do a roaring trade, you can see the quiet street, forest green wagons arranged on either side like a caravan stopping for the night. Progressing down the street tickles your nose with ever-changing scents: the sweet scent of slightly-undercooked, sugared batter from the donut cart; down to the warming, meaty smell of pork from the aptly-named Pork of the Town; quickly after that the strong smell of the German bratwurst cart's massive central charcoal fire, always a pleasure to stand by, sausage-in-a-bun in hand, as the cold days close in; following on once the strong charcoal scent leaves your sinuses, the falafel cart at the end bringing a touch of spice to the area, complemented by the freshness of the hummus and the smell of the herbs and spices used for their herbal teas.


Even at lunchtime the queues never rise above three or four people, outnumbered by the pigeons which mill around as aimlessly as the leaves on the ground and peck at pieces of dropped bread and biscuits. Compared to the surrounding streets and squares, Market Way is an oasis of calm, the sound of chattering shoppers in the distance blending with the blowing wind which hits you like a slap in the face, and the rustling of the trees and their bright green leaves, the only things in the street which are tall enough to catch the light which occasionally breaches the street through the gap between the tower blocks and the low roof of Poundland."

Thursday, 7 November 2013

3 poems for CW1


Poem 1. Star Sapphire

To stand hidden amongst giants,
superfluous to requirement.
Days gone by, mysterious clients,
a measured, dignified retirement. 

Strong in stature, muscled shoulders.
Every curve defined, and streamlined.
A youthful glint that smolders,
hidden away, caged, confined.

Underneath an angry tension,
bringing forth a vicious roar.
A rumbling sound ascension,
a youthful image to restore.

A gentler side, peaceful, graceful.
With dolphin like speed and stealth.
Cruising in motion ever faithful.
An example of hoarded wealth.

Devoid of emotion,
echoes from the ocean,
elegant in motion,
Star Sapphire.






Poem 2. Does a Tiger Have a Stripy Bum?

Does a Tiger have a stripy Bum?
I wonder, who I should ask?
Is the blob fish always glum?
Or does he wear a mask?

"What silly questions" says my mum
“Lets ask them round for tea,
then you can question them, instead of me!”


Poem 3. Samarra

Escape your shackles.
Ride away to you own fate.
False sanctuary


Does a Tiger Have a Stripy Bum?

Does a Tiger have a stripy Bum?
I wonder, who I should ask.
Is the blobfish always glum?
Or does he wear a mask?
"What silly questions" says my mum
Lets ask them round for tea.
Then you can question them, instead of me.

Tuesday, 5 November 2013

NaNoWriMo Extract: what do you think?

I figured I'd post this up here, see what everyone thinks. I'm 8000 words into my novel already, which means I can relax a little over the next couple of days and get my poems and commentary fully finished. But I want to post an excerpt up here and get your opinion on it - it's never too early to start editing, after all...

---

The head chef's name was Elbin. He was a tall man with a bulging belly and a terrible temper. He accommodated everyone in his kitchen so long as they didn't disturb his cooking, and if they helped out and showed some promise, his stony exterior warmed a little and he showed them a few skills.

This day, however, he wasn't warming to anyone. The guards had just returned from the courtyard, Forley shouting at them as he marched them down the hall. Many of them sat down in the mess hall, although a few of the younger ones slunk through to the kitchen to help cook and serve, or else simply to get away from the yelling.

“You couldn't even capture one old man!” Forley roared, his hair practically aflame. “What are you paid for? It took the king himself to bring Galvan down – if you can't protect him from Galvan then what good are you?” Everyone was sullenly looking at their own feet, trying to to incur the wrath of Forley's flames.

“You couldn't capture him either,” Elbin heard one of the young guards mutter from behind the counter. Forley must've heard it too, because his eyes flicked to the serving window where one of the young guards, who couldn't have been older than sixteen, had removed his helmet and was scrubbing the counter top before the huge soup vats were lifted onto it.

“You doubt me, boy?” Forley cried, his body engulfed by flames again. He lifted a hand and hurled it forwards, throwing a ball of fire at the young lad, who could only stand and stare in shock as it approached him.

There was a clang. The fireball erupted into an explosion of heat, and died down again as warm air flowed into the kitchen.

Elbin put down the pan he'd used to deflect the fireball.

“I think that's enough, Forley,” he said. “I don't slap your guards around, you don't hurt my cooks.”

“They're not cooks!” Forley practically screamed. “They're guards!”

“Not in here they're not,” Elbin replied coolly. “Now, get out of here. I don't serve people who attack my staff.”

Forley looked as though he were about to yell at Elbin, or possibly attack him. But instead he cooled off, the flames wafting from his body as he turned and strode from the room. Elbin looked down at the kid, who stared back at him in shock.

“Come on,” he said. “As punishment, you can help clean the soup vats tonight.”

Monday, 4 November 2013

This is Easy! The creepy Redraft...

This is my attempt to creepify my poem This is Easy! What do you think?

That's where I first saw you,
Followed you home.
Just the two of us,
You were alone.

Yourself or myself?
My face in the screen.
I keep thinking about
Who I have been.

This is your past
Which I shall not discard.
Is being you tricky?
It's not hard.